Day 93

First:

If you watch the viddy, I would prefer you start at 0:58.

This was Shah Rukh Khan’s real career defining moment.

When I first watched the movie, Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge, on Netflix, when this song played I spent a good half an hour replaying this song. I had to close the curtains because I did not want anyone to see the pseudo-dance I was doing at the computer because of my geeked excitement for this song.

I am sure I have re-watched this song almost 100 times since then.

I am not sure what happened to me this year, but I have become a little kid again in the sense that I will watch a song over and over and over again once I like it. And I won’t tire of it – what happens is that I will hear another song that I like to listen to over and over again, and it becomes added to the list of songs that I listen to over and over again. Maybe it is because I love the feeling of magic.

Magic.
(And anything that fits under Magic I will replicate everywhere I can.)

Why an entry about my childish exploits? Well, my childish exploits are the reason why I have barely blogged, etc. My paragraph of a blog (so far) has taken me three hours to write.

Now you know why.

This all makes me think of something the characters would say in The Perks of Being a Wallflower (the link is for the movie that is coming out, based on the book… Whoops. I guess it has been out in the U.S. since Oct. 12.), “I feel infinite.”

All I want to feel is magic.

It is something that makes me wonder if I have become crazy.

Magic is…

Is when something seemingly imaginary seems so real.It is that feeling of entering a different, wonderful – though sometimes painful, thus bittersweet – world. Almost like imaginary has met reality.

Like when Jake in The Dark Tower series says to Roland, as he plunges into the abyss to his death, Go, then. There are other worlds than these.” He says this even though he knows that Roland let him fall so that Roland could continue his quest for the Dark Tower. Magic.

Kant’s theory of reality*. Magic. (e.g.”It is just an illusion we have here on Earth that one moment follows another one, like beads on a string, and that once a moment is gone, it is gone forever.” – Slaughterhouse Five, Vonnegut)

Chuck Palahniuk’s nightmare box. Magic.

This. The night circus that appears out of nowhere. The butterflies, the traveling trickle of blood, the fields of flowers in Marquez’s One Hundred Years of Solitude (hell, even that name is magic).

It is the feeling that anything is possible – that the afterlife can be invented. That forever can be invented. Anything imagined is elusively, and perhaps, scarily, real. That whatever Is, is something better than anyone’s idea of God.

I have become increasingly and increasingly more aware life is possibly finite.

I want to live forever**.

– – – –

Ruk ja-a, o dil diwanee
Stop, o wild heart

Poochoon to main zara
I’ll ask you something

Ladki hai ya hai jaadu
[What is she?]
Girl or magic?

Khushboo yai ha nasha
Fragrance or poison?

————

*That is an entry for another time.
For a brief rundown, see my introduction to Kant’s Theory of Perception.
**If time as we see it is an illusion (in a sense),
what does forever actually mean, now?