I was powerless […]
I was so scared – I wanted to run away.
But I couldn’t – and at the same time I was excited. Isn’t that strange?
Gon, Hunter X Hunter
On Tuesday, April 28th, 2015, between 6:00 and 6:50 PM, I decided I did not want to dabble in teaching any more. It was my last week at that school, and I decided to not pursue the pending offer awaiting me. We will, hopefully, be returning to the States at the end of June.
I realized the Teaching Realm was a dungeon level in My Personal Video Game in which I had already mined all the treasure. Leveling up my current avatar requires me to leave.
The problems I have encountered in the profession I know would be remedied if I stuck it out (for two, maybe three or more years) and “nested” at a school. That said, I do not want to nest. I am not a teacher. Teaching is no different to me than… video clerking.* Meaning, I thought of it as a temporary thing. I entertained the idea of getting a Master’s Degree or something similar in teaching but I know, at the end of the day, I would be settling.
Perhaps if I was a man, I would be okay with settling in as a teacher. However, I’ve found that, as a 4’11” person that could be called Ms. Teacher I end up pigeonholed with certain characteristics – meek, maternal, traditional, and most scathingly – malleable. I’m logical, independent, objective, and more often than not… callous – non-judgmental callous – if that makes any sense. Littlebigcloud was logical with a dash of whimsy. Children, oddly enough, appreciate callousness. They’re like cats. They prefer routine. They prefer to not be treated like dolls. Children, many-a-times, tend to think adults are the innocent ones. (If you disagree, think of all the molested children out there that refrain from telling their parents that they have been molested – and the reasoning that has to be behind that.)
I am not sure if cats share the same sentiment.
Currently, I have no Internet in my apartment. Last week, I traveled two hours to hang out at the airport overnight so I could use the Wifi to obtain books and movies to help me alleviate any type of cabin fever. Now, I am at a hostel that costs $8/night (deal!). At present, I am wondering what rules and personality glitches I am dealing with that I wind up hanging out at an airport overnight and booking a hostel just so that I can have internet.
It’s almost 6:00 AM Monday morning in Seoul, Korea. The room mate I have has been gone for over six hours. I am entertaining thoughts that could lace together room mate – left mysteriously before Sunday’s midnight – from a hostel.
Why am I in Korea even though my last day of work was April 30th?¹
Well, you’ll have to wait.
If you have a Playstation 3 or 4, you should indulge in this melancholy game and read its melancholy stories.
*You could re-write that sentence with almost any pair of jobs. Every job is a transient, temporary job until you gain enough skill to become a Time Lord.
¹See quote at the beginning of the entry.